How To Live 101 with Andy Andrist
The Strongest Man I Know Delivers A Holiday Message
Andy Andrist has been through more than it would take to break most people. Every one of us has had some hardships and trials to deal with. Andy has had more than his share and then some and maintains a sense of humor, combined with a sense of purpose to face life”s hardest challenges in a way that should be a lesson to all of us.
Andy’s family back story includes nightmares of pedophilia, rape, a severely disabled father, hard core drug use and alcoholism, career disappointments, economic hardship and enough drama to fill an entire season of Dr. Phil and Jerry Springer combined.
One week prior to Christmas, his daughter was the victim of a smash and grab burglary, resulting in being robbed of presents intended for her students and having Andy’s car window broken with damages not covered by insurance deductibles. Merry Christmas. 3 days later he was diagnosed with having one of the more challenging cancers to treat. He handled it all with grace and his unique brand of dark humor.
On Christmas eve. he joined me for the morning show to talk about his situation and how he is focusing on being at his daughter’s wedding as motivation and inspiration for beating his current Goliath. I am proud to know this man and call him a friend.
Oh and, he happens to be the single funniest comedian alive today.
Like most independent entertainers and normal workaday folks in the USA, Andy’s healthcare coverage only covers him when he doesn’t need it. The last thing he needs in his battle with cancer is stress about going deep into debt. Please help ease that burden.
Use Venmo or Paypal to send directly to firstname.lastname@example.org
matt nappo 1:02:56
Where were we ah, there he is. He’s got some very close up thing going on. It will say Oh, whoa wait.
Andy Andrist 1:04:45
Holy fucking yeah the angle 30 pounds to your flannel.
matt nappo 1:04:51
is gonna say you look like you’re playing Santa nail. You swallowed Andy Andrist, Santa.
Andy Andrist 1:04:56
Yeah. I keep this I get the hat out for Do I do sort of like what you do for Christmas Eve, I haven’t done it for a few years. But it started as like a pitch on the man show is like, Let’s deliver a beer to the homeless. Like, it was like, you know, the beginning of one of the wars, and was sort of a, you know, timely pitch. And they know, they, they came up with every reason why we, you know, like, like, for instance, what if one of the host gets picked by a homeless guy? Well, if it’s Rogen, it’ll be fucking great TV.
matt nappo 1:05:31
I don’t know, I saw it on fear factor, and he was trying to break up a fight and he looked like a pussy, to be honest with you.
Andy Andrist 1:05:39
I doubt he would be like, down with get bit by a homeless guy, you know. Now, he just takes some horse medicine and he’d be fine. back then. So I don’t know, it was a few years after the man show. And now the you know, the pitch was going to, we’re going to deliver beer to the homeless, and then the idea grew. And then we’re going to like give them you know, disposable cell phones, they could call family, it turned into it would have been a pretty nice idea. And it never would got past the lawyers. So I was home and I had a bunch of shit beer, you know, leftover from summer, whatever. And I got it all in the freezer. And I went around and handed it in, I got a bunch of like the whiskies and you know, any booze that had been stored for a while that I wasn’t going to use fucking homeless people will, you know, they’re not going to go, oh, I can’t use this cooking brandy. No thing so but it was kind of a It was cool. And I did it, you know, it’s just gonna drive and and, you know, it’s, it’s like every red flag you could put up the, the cool part was she was getting out and hand and beard it you know, they think, oh, it’s gonna be somebody with a toothbrush and some soap or like, Hey, man, you want to get fucked up? I got some beer and some shots. And you know, and then I did it for years. And then I started adding food to it, thinking well, I’m getting camera shots and all the you know, I’m kind of exploiting them for my own entertainment purpose. So I pizza. And, and you know, so there’s like families or you know, there’s kids that are homeless and aren’t ready to start drinking. If your
matt nappo 1:07:20
Carl made the point this morning, and I agree that what do people for if you can’t use them for content, but the point about homeless people will take anything was made. I think last summer when you were handing out tuna fish sandwiches in the middle of the summer with no refrigeration after like 24 hours.
Andy Andrist 1:07:35
Well, those were the ones those were the ones they wanted what they you know, they cuz if you’re homeless, you’re already fucked. So you might as well get food poisoning, and call it good. Or as James James, my friend put together peanut butter sandwiches, which, uh, you know, if you’re homeless, you can put that away and have it, you know, the tunas. And I think this is why they were more popular is the tuna you just eat right away. Like, you know, I was presenting it and James was the one who had the idea and peanut butter sandwiches. And then I was like, fuck that. I’m gonna upgrade and go, Hey, would you rather have a peanut butter sandwich or a tuna? And they’re all almost all of them said, Yeah, tuna.
matt nappo 1:08:13
Wow. Wow. Well, good. You know, and that’s great that most people would think well, that’s just he’s just being kind of making fun of the situation, but you’re helping out and you. Yeah. humanitarian effort.
Andy Andrist 1:08:28
In fact, on that one, we really didn’t get many, you know, pictures. I went to this I got all these cans. You know, I haven’t been to the you get 10 cents a can and sign up, throw him away. I just bagged him up. And I had like six big garbage bags full of them. And thinking, well, maybe I’ll use some of this to finances pizza, homeless? Nah, fuck no, there’s these twin brothers. They’re like 6263 Even they’re just lanky fucking guys. And they work a grid, picking up cans. Like you’ll see one up here and the next street over the other one and they kick ass as far as you know, if you’re gathering cans you don’t like these guys, because they’re fucking the Trumps of can gathering and Trump’s the bad. You know, the Trump’s aren’t good at anything. So that’s not even the apt, but why would
matt nappo 1:09:21
they be Out Stealing cans from homeless people just need them just to make sure you don’t get anything
Andy Andrist 1:09:27
technical, or they run the machines where they cash them in and take the money and, you know, send the dog out. But so I’ve done that I’ve given this guy like a few bags of cans before I don’t know their twin brothers, so it could have given them to his brother, but a few years ago, and the guy just made me feel great for the fucking gesture. You know, it’s like, here’s, here’s 60 You know, dollar 60 And he’s like, but I gave him you know, probably 50 $60 worth of cans yesterday. And in the fucking guy, you know, he fucking squeal. You know? is just so happy and you know about it. And then you gave me a hug, I took a picture of, you know, the two of us, and I can’t, I’m not going to post it because I don’t want to say, Hey, I, you know, but it just, it just that gesture, you know, I had those cans, I didn’t really want to take them in, but I also knew, you know, there’s, these fucking guys will appreciate it. And some say they smoke crack, or crystal meth. And the teeth on this gentleman would suggest that, you know, they definitely some hard times or whatever. But if I’m out, you know, living on the streets with my brother, picking up cans, that’s just like winning the lottery. So when his brother shows up, they’re like, you know, they gotta go, I think you can only get $35 at a time. So they probably take them and you know, shifts and work, or kuntang or whatever. But at the end of it if they smoke, some crystal meth and that gives them a little, you know, rip and a happy buzz on the holiday, then fucking mission accomplished. Those guys aren’t gonna be here forever. And neither Meyer, any of us and it’s like this fucking disconnect between people like that train picture. It’s just some people. It’s like a humanity test. Some people see Oh, my God, these people are fucked. And you know, I don’t think I could live around a big homeless population like that, because I got fucking walking empathy.
matt nappo 1:11:22
But in LA, for the mantle, you had to live in LA, right?
Andy Andrist 1:11:26
Yeah, yeah. And it’s just like it was. Yeah, I brought one guy. I forget how. Anyway, I brought one guy into the man show a lot. Like, oh, yeah, we’re pitching it. You know, like, this is my actor I’m bringing in and I just let him use the facilities. You know, like, you know, and I think I call down wardrobe and got, you know, so they come in shave him wash him. I didn’t, you know, he did all that on his own. And then I just called wardrobe. And let’s say, you know, hey, we’re working on a thing. We need a pair 32 under underpants and some pants. And I do those kinds of things. You know, I usually like help somebody at someone else’s expense.
matt nappo 1:12:05
Yeah, my wife had a thing where she would and she still wants to do this a lot. bringing it home with people. Oh, they’re only going to stay, you know, till they get on their feet. Well, that ends up being a year, two year three years. And then they rob us. And, and we call the cops on him and the cops are mad at us for taking them in. Like basically, what Yeah, homeless people, what do you expect, you can’t be bringing these people in your house.
Andy Andrist 1:12:31
They weren’t born. They weren’t. I mean, most, for the most part, most of our born homeless, right? And regular people, and they just got fucked up along the way are like these brothers. You know, it’s like, I’ve been intrigued with these guys for years, like, you know, like me and my brother gathered cams back in the day, and he’d fucking rip me off and we’d fight. And eventually, both of us gravitated towards other aims in life. But like, these are twin brothers, they probably they look like they could have been athletes back in the day. I’m sure their parents didn’t see him going into fucking gathering up cans. And but if I was their parent, at least I would be like, god dammit, you guys are the best. You know, if they smoke math, it does not interfere with their fucking in fact, that might enhance their ability to get cans. You know, somewhere along the line avoid stop coming home for Christmas. And they, you know, they do what they do. And hell I you know, I I’m not going to judge anybody. I mean, if I was out on the streets, I would be looking for fucking quick. Hi.
matt nappo 1:13:39
Oh, yeah, I would I don’t know. Especially here. I mean, if I was on the streets, I would be in Key West. That’s the immediately go down, man. Yeah, you
Andy Andrist 1:13:51
want to Well, you want to go to the warm miss most liberal place you can find and that’s why a lot of them are in LA. or San Francisco or whatever. It’s, you know? Yeah, you know, I’m intrigued by you know, Midwest homeless. It’s like goddamn when health you know, yeah, I would have a sign that says need a bus ticket. There you start building incrementally but just me walking Cago Milwaukee being homeless in Milwaukee is like Fuck yeah. You know,
matt nappo 1:14:23
and scary thought holy.
Andy Andrist 1:14:27
Yeah. Yeah, he wants you know, you walk around with fucking brown feet. You know, fucking your hair gets all dreaded out. And you might just be a completely mentally unstable low life but Keywest you might get also be accepted as a fucking guru. You know, there’s so many fucking Ritchie’s there, you know, takes us one or two of them to to finance a sidewalk Jesus.
matt nappo 1:14:56
Well, I was just thinking I could probably walk into Westbeth but Oh, Baptist what is Westboro Baptists? And tell them I’m the second coming and they might even believe me. Yeah, I’m here.
Andy Andrist 1:15:09
Yeah, I went by that church. And there was a, like, I think there’s a Dairy Queen, something I saw excited to, like a woman with one leg, a big moo, moo. And she ordered food up there and ate, what she couldn’t, you know, like the she had an ice cream cone and bags of food. So she jammed the ice cream cone, and then did a wide swing around with her leg, the wheelchair and the bags, and you know, kind of, I didn’t order anything to eat, see, and hurry filled me up. And then across the street, there was a group of kids protesting tobacco. I was like, it must have been an off day or whatever. But it’s like, you know, they just like it’s, it’s part of their whole fucking thing. What are we protesting today? I don’t give a shit. Just hand me my sign. I’m against it.
matt nappo 1:16:01
You got to be pretty much scraping the bottom of the barrel when you get to tobacco these days?
Andy Andrist 1:16:06
I know. Yeah. But it was like a group of kids. Like, they don’t give a fuck, you know, kids bought, you know, it’s like, you got to go back about 10 years to have kids who are genuinely genuinely upset or concerned about their parents smoking maybe 2030 years ago. You
matt nappo 1:16:25
know, I don’t want to make light of your situation. But you mentioned a homeless guy hugging you any concern that you’re already dealing with some health issues, and that might be not the best
Andy Andrist 1:16:39
for you? I haven’t, you know, I don’t know how I feel about the homeless and their backs, you know, but I did not ask for a VAX card. I should have said, Hey, man, you’ve been boosted. And I’m not talking about that shit. You inject yourself? The real shit? No, I didn’t. I thought about that early on. Like I have this a case called hobo Danny around. He calls himself hobo Danny, and I’m not sure what happened to hobo Danny, I think he may or may not have disappeared. And somebody went into his account, but early on in this thing. He saw me down there. And he’s like, oh, you know, I had a mask on. He goes, You’re not buying this bullshit. Are you? And I don’t know, man. And he. And then he wanted to smoke weed with me. And I was like, usually that would be fine. And maybe not. No, but yeah.
matt nappo 1:17:31
If it’s that kind of situation, I will roll you one and roll me one now.
Andy Andrist 1:17:39
Right now, for a while I had like that, you know, alcohol wipes by my pipes. Like
matt nappo 1:17:50
Did the doctor give you any kind of you can’t smoke weed shit or no?
Andy Andrist 1:17:55
Well, if you don’t ask, I don’t you know, like, it’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission.
matt nappo 1:18:00
Ask them Oh, quit. Yeah. Merry Christmas.
Andy Andrist 1:18:04
Christmas. Yeah, I feel like no one I did a lung scan. That was the last thing I did a couple like, early this week. And, boy, I’ve never been more nervous about test results in my life than okay, they’re, they’re taken. So far I got this cancer or what they’re calling a cancer and it’s in one tiny spot in my bio duck. But they’re taking a look at my lungs. And the lungs are the ones
matt nappo 1:18:33
I get it, man this
Andy Andrist 1:18:36
ship. And so, you know, she called up and I you know, I just kind of took it as Oh, she’s saying I’m fucked. I go, oh, god damn it. No, really? And she goes, No, no, this is good news. And I don’t even you know, she’s like, we did your lungs. And there’s, you know, there’s no I think she said there’s no malignant, you know, there’s no, whatever, but I just heard, you know, I was expecting the worst. So I just really, you know, because if my lungs or if there’s cancer anywhere else, you know, I’m gonna I’ve got a I haven’t started it yet. But I have a wish list for hospice. And if I find out I got cancer anywhere else, it’d be better to just get them the list early. Because some of that wouldn’t be hard to find. You know, horse tranquilizer sure ketamine and, you know, all the usuals but I might want to explore down the list a little.
matt nappo 1:19:33
Yeah. And call Rogen quickly and say, you know, what do I need? What do I do doc?
Andy Andrist 1:19:38
human growth hormones. You got anything to sprout hair up?
matt nappo 1:19:43
Well, that’s great. If you get a lung scan and the worst news they deliver is Oh, you got to switch to Indigo from sativa right.
Andy Andrist 1:19:53
And I have I have done a little that just so for, for sleeping. And I sleep all right. I or whatever but it’s like you know I haven’t really embraced that difference between I’m a sativa guy and I don’t get why you know but now that I want to just shut some shit down yeah indica is great I got an indica edibles and even a couple of green green indica buds
matt nappo 1:20:19
I’ll be honest with you, I’m thinking that I’m wired backwards with the sativa indica stuff because I get the opposite of what I’m supposed to get. So I’m I get with tea because I want to get creative and write music and stuff and all it does is put me to sleep I get the Indigo stuff and then all of a sudden I’m getting green Yeah, I’m like hybrid is the best bet for me.
Andy Andrist 1:20:43
I don’t run into it as much anymore but it used to just fucking infuriate me to go to a pot store. I know what I want. I know what today is the deals and all that shit and then somebody who’s like you know need to marijuana 101 class you know, what am I gonna feel? Is this one gonna, I’m looking for you know, and then they’ll go this little give your body like you know, just this one will take the edge off of my suicidal thoughts. So could you please get the fuck out of my way? You know, body high shear. This one. This one will really aid you know, if you’re writing a screenplay. This one will really punch it up in a green jar, you Fox Well,
matt nappo 1:21:29
this is kind of a one of the reasons I’ve obviously so most insignificant reasons, but you got to stick around because I am working on a screenplay that kind of you gave me idea for it. I was going to make you a executive co producer when I get a deal for
Andy Andrist 1:21:45
well, it’s easier like Rocky Sylvester Stallone stole a lot of this other this book club boxers story. Right and it probably would have been better for him if the real rocky had died. All right. Yeah. I come up with all of this. I forget the guy’s name but yeah, yeah, check. chaotic. You know, Chuck should assume Sylvester Yeah, it’s good. That’s pretty amazing. Like he took he took this guy’s you know the the beats of this guy’s story and turned it into a fucking movie franchise and never gave fucking Chuck anything.
matt nappo 1:22:26
Yeah, he was doing church tours. Chuck at camp. What’s nurse something like that? Yeah. But he was doing church towards giving inspirational talks about his how we and they were building him as the real rocky.
Andy Andrist 1:22:40
Right. Yeah, like there’s that real Kramer know what a fuckin sad thing that is. Touring in support of being a fucking footnote.
matt nappo 1:22:55
The sign I never saw the sign before the signing of the issues with Andy it looks like it says Dr. Seuss with Andy. Is that new? I never saw that before
Andy Andrist 1:23:06
it’s been up there. I don’t know how to frame my shit and Shaylee goes it looks at when I first read moved over about four feet. Shaylee said it looked a little busy because it worked for you. Like it’s you know
matt nappo 1:23:21
you look perfect today like I’m sure Charlie’s gonna be saying well the lighting was perfect. I know what the hell
Andy Andrist 1:23:27
yeah, I know I haven’t I have a heat dish and then the lights askew but it’s yeah that morning. I don’t know they they timed it so that I have either fucking direct sunlight in my face. Or you know darkness so yeah, if they we I say we do it in the morning.
matt nappo 1:23:45
Your call is coming back in for considering everything you look fucking healthy man.
Andy Andrist 1:23:51
Well that’s what uh that’s the fucking Stan you know cuz my liver was getting fucked with all this whatever and so I was kind of in liver failure and there are no liver failures. Their liver to do a lot more than others and then they fucking burn out.
matt nappo 1:24:12
It’s all a learning curve for you. It’s all a journey and a learning experience for your liver I find that there are two liver failures they all do like all of us they just learned
Andy Andrist 1:24:23
at first your liver fails I don’t know your thoughts
matt nappo 1:24:28
so that that show you did way way you got hammered. That tended to be a kind of a blessing
Andy Andrist 1:24:36
was kind of a hidden suicide attempt. Because my liver was severely fucked people around me were noticing that my skin was yellowing and and and then the guy says you want to do a shot and yeah and then not only did I want to do that when I wanted to revisit my fucking alcoholic roots and and go all in. So yeah, I got fucking completely blackout drunk fell that you know, it’s like, okay, yeah, you know, it’s like, you gotta You gotta listen to, to least the fucking basics. Yeah, okay my skin, like I could Google yellowing skin and find out I was having liver problems, you know, but and I don’t I’m not even sure I want to count that show cuz if I don’t do another show is that my last Oh god,
matt nappo 1:25:23
that was my same thought like no, this is the reason you have to beat this just to do another show to get more
Andy Andrist 1:25:29
or just jump on an open mic on this week’s but yeah, I did it open for Billy Wayne Davis and I’ll go ahead and count that as my last thing, if that’s what you know if I don’t get better or whatever, but I you know, it sounds sounds like I’ve got a pretty good odds of, of, you know, continuing this drama
matt nappo 1:25:51
on I have a good feeling about the outcome of this thing. But my point is, if you hadn’t done that and hadn’t crashed really hard at that last gig, you probably wouldn’t have gotten to the doctor and probably would not have discovered this until later. And that makes my chances worse.
Andy Andrist 1:26:07
Well, I think I was in the process to I don’t I don’t remember where I was, but I think I was at the very least had the MRIs scheduled and stuff. But, you know, yeah, bad, bad, you know. So it’s kind of fitting to that I would do a show for about six people and then fall down blackout drunk in front of, it’s like, that’s kind of a bookend with my career. That’s how it started. I forget there was a town and maybe billings or so town in Montana, where they really just didn’t care about the opening act or really anything but they just wanted to see the opening act should hammered. So they kept sending shots, and I did them all. And I remember closing with a gun, I’m gonna fucking puke and I ran to the bathroom. So I guess it would be a nice book and
matt nappo 1:26:57
yeah, we can’t think of that. But I do have some good news for you because and I know a lot of people gonna be like trying to be played doctor who never went to medical school and all this stuff. But I actually know some doctors who are very prominent and have worked in with the Whipple procedure. Yeah.
Andy Andrist 1:27:17
And I don’t like something that would happen in like a like some roller derby. Shit. Mr. Whipple, the whip. You know, the big fucking hogs. Grab the skinny girl and flinger into somebody else. That’s what it sounds like the whipple surgery in a maneuver. But yeah, and I talked to Coach, he’s an opera head coach of Auburn track is a friend of a friend. And he, he had the surgery done. He had every symptom, everything, every procedure and every symptom that I’ve had, and he sounds a lot like JB Smoove and buddies, I’ve heard he’s a religious guy, and you know that, but I had a good conversation with him. And he’s like, and I kept expecting a motherfucker. He was like, we are that we lucky ones. We are the lucky ones. Let me tell you that we the motherfucking lucky ones. It helped. And I think I said she at some point. And then I was like, oh, yeah, that’s just cuz he sounds like JB smooth. He wants to hear me, me go on, like motherfuckers really, you know, they’re gonna remove that motherfucker out of my fucking bio. Part of my fucking this. But he had all that done about two or three years ago. And, and, you know, he made it sound like, you know, no big deal, you know, go in there and he he’s a bit of an Exaggerator so he was like up in a couple of weeks. I’m like, okay, maybe a month, a month and a half. But it was comforting to hear somebody that had just gone, you know, gone through it and, you know, is on either side of it and doesn’t have diabetes and any of these other things that you know, came up in the discussion,
matt nappo 1:29:03
right? Well, it used to be a tough thing but now they say it’s so precise that the the only the biggest concern is going to be you afterwards making sure you behave yourself and don’t rip because that becomes a really you know, a tender area and you can’t do anything physical and you got to you know, not go out and piss in your yard in the middle and or even
Andy Andrist 1:29:25
know coke. I’m not going to ask him that. But uh, yeah,
matt nappo 1:29:31
somebody there to make sure you behave yourself.
Andy Andrist 1:29:34
Well, that’ll just I think my kids gonna bounce in for a bit but I mean, it’s gonna it sounds like a long recovery and at least you know like laying around and shit so you know, try not to binge watch every thing that’s available right now. Because I figure you know, yeah, I am just going to be kind of like fuck on a shelf for a bit and and, you know, I envision like a fucking you know, cabin overlooking the mountains and snow dropping and stuff and artists on my fucking couch couple of cats trying to squeeze me out of my spot
matt nappo 1:30:09
you have Stephen King right your recovery that’s right
Andy Andrist 1:30:15
I definitely could use a fucking hobbling I gotta find that cable from my phone in a minute here, but uh, well, that’s I was trying to get on the computer and shit. But then I, you know, I’m a podcast so sometimes you got to jump on other shit. Right? But I know how it goes. And I got a few minutes of like charge here but uh, if I hop up and run in there, grab a cable and you can fill the air with Christmas thoughts.
matt nappo 1:30:46
You can do that I can actually sing a song. Alright,
Andy Andrist 1:30:49
yeah. Which I just heard a couple heard again this morning and last night and I’m honored sir.
matt nappo 1:30:56
You wrote it I just put the words in order every every word and that song came out he
Andy Andrist 1:31:01
Yeah, well. Yeah. And I was fucking Oh, they’re dead. I dropped out I dropped this but that fell into there but uh, I I was like that was when I first got the stand and I could eat again. And and then I like fucking for some reason I was just I needed macaroni salad. I went to a Hawaiian place a couple of times. And then I would go to the deli and you know nothing that makes you feel dirtier than ordering macaroni a tub of macaroni salad and I tried to go just a spoonful and then I got maybe a little more yeah don’t stuff at all. Okay, that’s good. And then I go home. And one time I woke up at like three in the morning and and I went to this the little fridge and I didn’t even have a spoon. I just started fingering macaroni salad and my face like and I don’t even really care for that shit. So that’s why I thought there must be some sort of white trash fuckin cancer that needs to have macaroni salad fed to it to lose it.
matt nappo 1:31:56
I was thinking you could because you’re a mushrooms in the mac and cheese type of guy. Substitute right now so
Andy Andrist 1:32:03
I guess yeah, I’ll probably do more starting on hallucinogenics a little bit next week or two just again well I mean it’s I don’t have any real thing anything to take the edge off and and here’s the thing about this is I had a few times where I got a motion you know crying or whatever. And then i i Go what you know thinking what am I fuckin Who am I crying for? You know my crying because I didn’t dying my it’s a surprise. Like I’ve known you know, in fact, I’ve had suicidal thoughts. Oh, shit. All right. I’ll be right back. All right,
matt nappo 1:32:42
be right back. We’ll see if we get him ties. I want to play this song. I’m going to hate to get fucking serious with Andy but it’s okay to cry for yourself is what I’m going to tell him when he gets back if he gets back. It’s definitely okay for that. I think we shortchange ourselves on it should a lot. Is this the one yeah, this is the one I’m gonna play the song. This is a song that Andy wrote. I put the music to it and didn’t know he was writing it. Linda Allen had said Andy wrote about the maca macaroni salad thing that he had some kind of low a white trash low rank cancer window read that into somebody’s got to make a song about write a song about this white crash low rank cancer blues and I took that as an assignment this is it.
Got the blue yellow, red and blue Job flow red cancer blue it ain’t no
Yay I had to do that everything gonna be alright, cuz I know everything’s gonna be alright. Yeah. Well, before I don’t want to keep you serious because I don’t want to get emotional here, just for your sake, but I want to let you know that it’s perfectly okay to cry for yourself, man. Um, you need to just fucking let it out. It’s the healthiest thing you can do. And I
Andy Andrist 1:36:48
you know, I yeah, I just I analyze everything so when I cry I’m like who am I? Is this for me? Why am I doing this to me? You know, I’ve had you know there I don’t have a big bucket list of things I’m hoping you know, like, I wish things had gone a little easier. But there’s no reason to fucking carry on but I think it’s you know, I mean, the first thing that popped in my head was Oh man, I’m not going to be here for my daughter’s wedding. And, and all that but we went and saw Ghostbusters and and now I can see that even if I can’t be at her wedding. We can just get the guy who was the warden and Shawshank to play my body and then animate my head. And it’ll seem like I’m right there.
matt nappo 1:37:33
Well, Chad’s got a no good taxidermist. No,
Andy Andrist 1:37:37
y’all Yeah, Chad
matt nappo 1:37:38
could stuff yeah, we can. We can have you stuffed and like oh, you my
Andy Andrist 1:37:43
boy. This is a dude. Nobody Oh,
matt nappo 1:37:47
it’s got a voice. Yeah, he’s
Unknown Speaker 1:37:49
a crooner. And yeah, that’s how I knew I was in sang was getting to me as I called him. I said nobody wants to hear your whining you can’t and I shoved him out of my room. Spent the last week make it up to him like
matt nappo 1:38:07
oh yeah, I know all about that kind of stuff. Those Oh, I feel regret now for for the way I treated you
Andy Andrist 1:38:16
see nigh on everything, it’s like 17 years old but yeah, I mean, you know, I’ve very rarely ever been to him. And I felt that’s all for a cat man. Yeah, and he he kind of all he does is shift it’s sort of annoying but I you know, he’s like my old man he I let him out in whatever time it wants to go out there and then I just go look for him a few minutes later with us spotlight you know Oh, he’s got he’s fucking you know he he goes out and he just stands there and he doesn’t you know it’s like I thought you needed to piss you or you know nothing
matt nappo 1:38:52
Wow, no, my cats my wife is the cat lady. And we we have half cat but if we let them out they’re gone for like two months. So we don’t let them out ever they don’t run
Andy Andrist 1:39:03
Yeah, always we’ve always had you know even my my well my family growing up we’ve always had cats and they’ve always been in and out. Yeah, they like my cat cats will go out and well not Mr. squishes anymore but the other one you know murder shit. And it’s a bummer but it’s you know, see a cat a little cat, carrion and big rat and then and then about 20 minutes later it’s on your lap rubbing up against your face and and I couldn’t do the rat thing even close to me, but it seems better once removed. I just
matt nappo 1:39:40
off the guy. Let me give you a hug.
Andy Andrist 1:39:43
Yeah, yeah, I know. I know all about the Black Plague.
matt nappo 1:39:50
Wow. You mentioned before you’re a podcaster This is a surprise to me. I didn’t know you have a podcast.
Andy Andrist 1:39:57
Well, I must think so. I’m on One.
matt nappo 1:40:00
Right. But the question and I know this is a small concern to you, but people we count on that podcast, honestly, to keep their mental health in check. Are they expecting one today?
Andy Andrist 1:40:14
Yeah, we got one today. And I, I think we, we, Erickson mentioned that we’re going back up on YouTube for a while. I mean, we’re just because we kind of pulled it and without any notice. And, and and then we kind of, we thought we’d do more clips and shed or whatever we did, we just kind of lost our audience on YouTube to kind of grow our Patreon. And right now, we’re going to just ask that Patreon subscribers, if that, you know if they can, they want you to continue on, but we’re also going to make it free for YouTube for the foreseeable future. And, and hopefully, we’ll carry on and it won’t turn into you know, Andy’s health crisis updates, because I don’t, you know, I don’t want to get in, you know, I know how that would be as a listener. So I don’t want to you know, but it is, you know, I talk about what’s going on in my world. And that’s kind of overwhelmed my, my thinking for a while, but, uh, yeah, hopefully, we’ll get back to some fucking, you know, some fun ribbing, and move away from this, you know, the scare I had, which, you know, like I said, I think I’ll be fine after the surgery. So,
matt nappo 1:41:26
gonna get tired, you’re gonna get tired of talking about it, because everybody’s so concerned about you, they’re gonna ask you about it every time they see you.
Andy Andrist 1:41:33
That’s why I kind of wanted to, you know, like, I call Doug. You know, I called Doug, one to lighten the mood in the car with me and my daughter, you know, and we weren’t, it was just, you know, I had Erickson was one of them. And on and you know, Texas, Erickson, he’s a lot more, you know, you know, into his feelings, or whatever. And, and she goes, was that Doug? And I go, No, no, and let me call Doug. And I called Doug and I go, haha, I got cancer. Aha. He goes, Oh, you want a podcast? And, you know, I thought I could either, you know, not say anything to, you know, to a bigger audience, and have people you know, hear about it through the grapevine. And then they’ll call you know, like I talked to in men a couple, you know, people will hear about it. So I’d rather be in front of it, and just say, I got cancer. And here’s what’s going on, then to get you know, to feel those phone calls where I, I don’t mind the phone calls. I just don’t want to inform you know, like, here it is, here’s what’s going on on it. You know what, just listen to Doug’s podcast, I cover the beats on it, and then call me back. But, uh, yeah, so it’s like, you know, it’s like anything, like if you get it Dewey, or whatever, and people hear about that, and then that’s all your conversations or whatever. So hopefully, you know, people can want to talk to me about stuff can move past those, you know, that shit and just, you know, whatever they need to tell me you know, however, however this like I heard from Travis Lipski, I haven’t heard from him for ever and and I didn’t know who it was for quite a while and you know, so it’s like, you know, when when you hear this kind of thing about a friend or somebody that you you like or remember, or whatever, you know, you do want to kind of check in with them and I don’t mind that because I really don’t have a whole lot you know, going on right now.
matt nappo 1:43:27
Yeah, you Doug sounds like he reminded the his reaction reminded me of a friend I had and he just passed away but my friend Jeff when I got caught my another friend had a mail order bride from Russia, and I would do an acoustic show and this mail order bride from Russia did not know protocol, and she was she took off her panties and was rubbing her vagina all over my bald head on stage and my wife got the pictures of it. And I was furious and I got caught you know what there’s a girl rubbing it on your head and I went over to my friend’s house I said Laurie found found out about the girl rubbing the twine on my head the first thing he did was he went and got a bottle of bourbon and in April and put it right in front of me so you know we don’t need to talk about this. Okay
Andy Andrist 1:44:15
yeah yeah, no no need to keep this drum all bottled up. It’s talking about a high rate of speed. Yeah.
matt nappo 1:44:29
So are you planning on like putting getting a lot of shows in the can before you think totally you don’t let your fans feel like letting them down but people need to hear from you.
Andy Andrist 1:44:41
Yeah, I think until January 20th. I’ll be feeling normal. Right I can you know, weed for a while I wasn’t getting high so I you know, I I still smoked weed but I just wasn’t getting high. Yeah. Change when I go This stent and all this other poison leaked out of my system. So I can definitely, you know, smoke weed and, and, and, you know, talk about shit that pops in my head and hopefully I won’t be like, you know, what was me you know, here’s another thing, you know, I think I think I’ve, you know, they’ve established I don’t have or at least to be a surprise if I have it in other parts, you know, they’ve done enough scan. So really, you know, it feels like, I get the surgery, it’ll save my existence. And, and and then that’s it, you know that, like, they’ll eradicate what was in there and then I’ll be like, you know, back to semi healthy human being. And also know that my lungs are clear. My livers clear. So no, on the other side of this if I want to really, you know, drink heavy,
matt nappo 1:45:56
no, no, stop right there. This is an excuse like to go 90 miles an hour everywhere you go through life now and just think,
Andy Andrist 1:46:06
what if my reputation like my reputation is I’m a fall down drunk? And I’m more of a lightweight, but what if, what if I get on the other side of this and I can really change people’s perceptions like, not only am I a drunk, but I can also drink a huge amount of alcohol
matt nappo 1:46:25
you got a bad attitude with the with the long term vision of how this is gonna go, you should come out expecting to be another world champion drug user, you should just do what you need to, to enjoy the experience without getting to the point of where you’re going to get yourself in this position.
Andy Andrist 1:46:45
Right? Well, I mean, you know, in one, two, though, I mean, like the weed that we have been smoking weed since I was, you know, a teenager. And pretty much, you know, escalated through the years I haven’t curbed it. It’s gotten more and more. So I was definitely surprised to hear that my lungs were okay. And that’s, you know, fucking big tobacco. I don’t
matt nappo 1:47:07
mind on I don’t I can hear the wheezing at night, right?
Andy Andrist 1:47:11
Yeah, and I was like, I don’t feel like I’m, I’m in shape. Like you know, I you were talking about the runs that five K’s and I used to do 10 K’s all the time. Or not all the time, but a couple three for a year. And then I did completed marathons and stuff and now I can hear myself breathing heavy to walk up to the mailbox. And fortunately, I fought the war on the mail. So that I don’t have to go down the hill and then climb back up. But um, it’s you know, I felt like, you know, there was a part of my body that I ruined besides my penis. I would say my lungs. Yeah. And I haven’t I haven’t ruined my penis. I’ve just made it stronger. For wind resistant.
matt nappo 1:47:56
I don’t know how you how you do that. But hypochondria is contagious, you know and so everybody hears you saying well my skin was changing color and I had Batman I had liver problems are the big one now is I don’t want people thinking because I got a bet because she said I wasn’t getting high and this has happened to me and I don’t want people just assuming that if you smoke a ball and don’t get a buzz from it oh my god.
Andy Andrist 1:48:22
Well, you might want to check the THC content you might have got CBD you know there’s like a troubleshooting thing you know, how are you plugged in? Okay, so Okay, well alright then my next thing is you probably have cancer
matt nappo 1:48:40
hypochondria definitely is the most contagious disease going I mean I hear things and I’m always I’m looking at my skin color now. Do I need to change the lighting or am I getting sick?
Andy Andrist 1:48:51
Yeah, yeah and I really didn’t even notice it you know and my daughter come home and you know said I look like one of the Simpsons which is the go to for any white man and he’s turned jumped this Yes, yes. We do look like Simpsons and no we don’t like to be made fun of please stop yellow hate directed at White people who have liver failure. Need a subset? You know? Yeah, we’re not Simpsons. We’re alcoholics. And
matt nappo 1:49:21
so what if there is any benefit to you being having to be concerned with your own personal situation right now? Is it distracting you from any all the bullshit in the news? And yeah,
Andy Andrist 1:49:33
I stopped I don’t give a shit. Good. I like Rachel Maddow is tidbits and you know her storytelling and I don’t give a shit. I’d still like to see the Trump’s fucking tortured or something. But, you know, it’s like, you know, it’s kind of I guess it’s like every man for himself. When you find out you’re, you know, potentially got something that’s going to kill you in, you know, a reasonable amount of time. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It’s like that and I’m in, I’m less likely to put up with shit from people. Like there’s a fucking hippie at this place me and my daughter, we’re waiting in line. It’s a real narrow, you know, and only probably two people should be in there waiting. And there was me and my daughter, we’re in there. And then this dude comes in, he’s like, joins the line. He’s talking to this young hippie girl, and he’s an old hippie dude. And he’s like, has a scarf and he’s like, just it’s not even about to go Hey, man. mask up, bro. You know, I mean, you know, it’s just, you know, I’m in a fucking bucket now. I can’t get fucking sick from this shit. And this guy was like, he kept talking up this girl and he just and I go, I go, I see your fucking nose Wavy Gravy. And then I go, you know, mask up, bro. That’s like, Here I am, like fucking confronting somebody on the ship. But I was like, you know, I gotta wear a mask. Everybody in here is wearing a mask. The people behind there. They got mask on. And this fucking guy thinks what he has to say to this. He said, It was like, I just moved to Eugene. But it just felt like destiny. Well, I live in Eugene and I didn’t want you to fucking change your destiny to get the fuck out of it. So I he stepped over to look at something and then both me and my kid wedged him out. So now he went from being second in line to fourth. And he just looked around and then he laughed, and he wasn’t gonna let it go.
matt nappo 1:51:27
But I’m gonna channel Erickson for a moment here. What he would say to you, I think and this is you definitely don’t need COVID But one thing you need even less than COVID is an ass beating from some white trash white dude. Yeah, you know?
Andy Andrist 1:51:45
Yeah. Walk away. And liver failure. Cancel my belly but I can still need an agent if he’s asked me you know you just grabbed a Husker that fucking hair that’s you know attached to a ball. How’s it even hanging in there anyway? Got a fucking bullet hanging from a bond spot I yard that down there it’s in and then kick. No,
matt nappo 1:52:13
no fighting because it’s not whether you can put a hurting on him. That’s not what I’m
Andy Andrist 1:52:20
what people fight cancer in different ways. And maybe fully fuckin hippie refuses to look out for my safety and other people’s safety. That’s fighting cancer,
matt nappo 1:52:30
right? I’m not gonna compare this to cancer at all. But I think you’re onto something there because I’ve had severe sciatica, where I couldn’t walk, and somebody pissed me off. And all of a sudden I was ready to fight them and get that adrenaline rush. And when it was done, the sciatica was gone.
Andy Andrist 1:52:45
Yeah. And this is off subject. But one time my, my daughter came back, she’s went to Colorado University, and she was at a football game and we were in I was wearing Colorado gear. She was and it was an Oregon Duck Game. Colorado, lose a close game. But this guy in front, my daughter two rows down, kept heckling back to her, you know, like I’m and then and he just won’t let it go. And then at some point, my daughter goes, What do you want to fucking fight me, you piece of shit. I’m a girl. And I was like, oh, so proud of her. And but then you have a you know, it’s like, when you say that you should have a plan. And you know, not that he would have needed it. But you know, because I was there. And I will fight anybody. If I have uphill position. You know, bleachers that you know, because I was already planning to throw a shoulder into this guy and knock him about six rows down. That’s how I like you know, I visualized fights like, you know, I don’t get in. I haven’t been in a fight and a long time. I can’t even remember, but I plan it. You know, like, they’ll grab that guy’s hair, shocking him down, kick him in the balls and then drag it. It’s like I was like four steps ahead. And this guy’s still deciding between vegan options. Wow. Uh, you know, don’t put that fuck I’m serious here.
matt nappo 1:54:08
I never had the luxury to plan it and I used to get into a lot of fights in the day and I thought about the number of ass kickings I got in my life. Add them all up. It would be I should be dead from the amount of ass kicking I can I yeah,
Andy Andrist 1:54:25
I didn’t. Well, I was a shitty or inattentive, defensive back. That’s the word for it. I was inattentive. And I didn’t always cover my guy perfectly or whatever. But you know, I had other shit going on, or whatever. But I played special teams. I love playing kicking team work and even kick receiving team. Because you could just that’s that and that’s how like if I was at a group of friends and there was going to be trouble. I always look for somebody not necessarily involved in the play. You know, somebody who’s like mouthing off but has a say had you know it’s like a sucker punches you know what I do like in in the kicking team, I would always deliver a big hit. And like the one the kind where the coach or watching film going that’s the way you hit. I was hitting a guy who was 30 yards away from the play and not watching it’s like that scene in waterboy
matt nappo 1:55:24
Oh, froze up. Oh, why,
Andy Andrist 1:55:30
and had no chance of getting hit and I would fucking level that guy not top or fucking the part of the play, but that’s how I would fight in a situation it’s like, you know, or anything is like I scan it look for the fucking the one that I could take down. And that’s who I’m going to fucking hit if it gets into it.
matt nappo 1:55:52
Well, I guess that’s the safe approach, but it never worked out that way for me. Before he talked I forgot I wanted to mention this today on the program, but you brought up psychedelics before, and the guy who called them before was with me 51 years ago today. I know this you know where you were the first time you took a psychedelic 51 years ago today we yeah, my did lie.
Andy Andrist 1:56:17
with some friends and cool a couple mushrooms didn’t really know what it was we went to like a Fred Meyers and, you know, I’ve learned that you don’t want for being high. Remember, like dogs that I could understand that dogs were communicate, you know, like I was really in tune with. Okay, that dog saying this and then the dog down the hills responded with that. And then he’s telling the dog down the hill that that was? And then I really do them again for years. I don’t know why they just said you know, we gave them to me. Yeah, and then I and then kind of as an
matt nappo 1:56:58
end up grabbing some Wi Fi troubles. Yeah. Anyway, 51 years ago today and
Andy Andrist 1:57:05
stuff in your head, just kind of, you know, demanding answers all at once or whatever. So you know, I now I can talk myself out of a bad trip and move. noodley
matt nappo 1:57:19
you know what, Andy, I’m going to try putting you out of the room and bringing you back in. Hopefully this works. We’re having some Wi Fi trouble here. Let me see if this works. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that’s better. Yeah, we were having Wi Fi trouble. I fixed okay.
Andy Andrist 1:57:32
Yeah. But, yeah, like I you know, so I like you as a kid. I, you know, that amazes me, like, you know, if I would have gone that route, I don’t, you know, because I like the exploration in the learning curve of how to do it, you know, and maybe if I had done it as a youngster, I wouldn’t have appreciated it, you know, but I used to think if I do any hallucinogenics it’s going to be I’m going to find a ledge and I’m going to jump off it. I’m going to freak out. I’m gonna cry and I’ve done all that. But now I kind of go get a hold of yourself, man. rein it in. And then I can have a good time on the other end of it, but it’s like kind of, it’s like kind of challenging your brain it’s not like getting it to me it’s like challenging your brain to to follow the fucking the light path and not get distracted.
matt nappo 1:58:20
Yeah, well, I haven’t done it since 1987, anything like that. But well,
Andy Andrist 1:58:25
this year this year, and I’m saying this year at Panamint in you know, maybe you’re in an RV, or whatever, but we’re going to do it up big this year to Panama and it’s a perfect place to do hallucinogenic for anybody but uh you know, for
matt nappo 1:58:43
me No, I wanted I offered to pick up Craig in Albuquerque this year. I was going to go this year I had every plan on going and I asked Craig if you want me to pick you up and he said I can’t I’ll be back with those guys. Don’t tempt me and I’ll be back on the horse I’m doing mushrooms with him
Andy Andrist 1:58:59
Yeah, well maybe you’re in a better spot now Craig
matt nappo 1:59:04
but if you got if you guys do it again this year I’m definitely gonna go I got talked out of it by people. My cuz my Yeah, I was gonna drive cross country and they like your age. You’re gonna drive I don’t want to fly. A mask on was not my thing.
Andy Andrist 1:59:20
Your age you can stop at any place and get discounts let me throw out my AARP card here and get a 15% off our breakfast. Yeah, you eat early. You go to bed early. You know? Yeah, I’d say traveling old is the way to go.
matt nappo 1:59:44
Andy Andrist 1:59:47
nobody wants to wake you and arrest hurry to rape you.
matt nappo 1:59:52
That’s not true. I had a 96 year old lady told me the other night and I’m sure if she could do what I wanted to
Andy Andrist 1:59:59
do. You won’t find yourself Rest here in Topeka.
matt nappo 2:00:05
Yeah, so but the thing about Panama, I think you got a book now if you really want to get a cabin or something, because
Andy Andrist 2:00:10
No, when, whenever we decide is, that’s what creates the demand. You know, I mean, if we we say it’ll be this week that you know, because I think it would be a great sitcom to just to see the inner workings of the crew and what goes on there on a day to day because it’s fucking fascinating. I don’t think anything goes on there until you know, there’s a group like ours, and then, you know, then they fire it up. But I feel like it’s almost like a doormat, you know, like that. It’s like, when you go well, I went, I went into the Mustang or ranch or whatever, and how they, you know, it’s like, you walk in, and then they all show up and present themselves or whatever. But you know, I would like to be in Not that I’d watched that stupid show, the cat house or whatever. But it’s more interesting to me what goes on when they’re not out? You know, here we are. You know, I’d love to hear the interview. I know that show was they showed you what they wanted to show you. One time I was driving through back from probably Panamint party or Vegas and and there was a horror horror house. I you know, that’s a crude term for it, or whatever. That’s what it is. Yeah, it was a hoarder house. And they advertised showers for truckers and, and breakfast. So and it was like 430 in the morning, open 24 hours. So I went in and hung out and I had a great time just having coffee and watching the You know, the four o’clock shift complain about the morning crew, you know, they don’t even wipe to come off of the walls, or whatever. And then when the tired old hag, there was she was served the coffee and behind the counter. And then I go I think I’m gonna go the shower. And then she asked, like, threw us like a fucking raspy cigarette voice company. And I wasn’t sure if she was on, you know, like she’s bringing up well, maybe, or it was PR. Either way I declined because I you know, it wasn’t there for making love. Or killing time. You know, and then having a nice breakfast, but that’s, you know, that’s what I like to hang out for, you know? Oh, that one time I went to Florida strip club with Doug’s mother and the dollar store and we were hanging outside waiting for the pussycat lounge to open. And when it did, there is a chick with a mullet. A lot of bruising. not blaming, you know, I’m not saying her old man beat her ass, but she did. And she had the old school aerobics Reebok shoes on and she got up and had her fucking floppy tits out. While she was cleaning the like she removed her top to wipe the pole down and stuff. Damn it, you know and excellent. Imagine being in a more a better strip. You know, like, I’m not a gentleman. And I don’t buy into the Oh, the gentleman’s in in the VIP lounge. I want to see a chick who’d been slugged around a little bit wiping off the pole with sitting also had a cigarette. Dang. I was like, I don’t need to see the rest of the crew here. I’ve gotten everything I need out of this.
matt nappo 2:03:25
I’m pretty sure that’s a sublime song. Yeah.
Andy Andrist 2:03:30
Yeah. And parts of that weekend were told in one at Doug’s books. Mother was holding the cocaine and
matt nappo 2:03:38
just a line just hearing the line. I remember going to a strip club in Florida with Doug’s mother. It’s just sent me like into Oh, yeah.
Andy Andrist 2:03:46
Well. We had I think it was like Keywest. And when there was three shows, one I did real well. And then the middle one was a people were threatening to get me. And like Doug jumped up there on stage that offend me. It was like, I was being heckled by Haitians, Cubans and fucking Irish cops. And that and that was only like, that was it. They’re like, 12 people. There’s three groups of four that were all hated me. And But Doug got up there yelled at the audience. And then he goes, Do you want to do any more time and I go fuck, no. And then he leans in and he goes, we’ve got coke and mothers holding
matt nappo 2:04:26
another line that has never been said,
Andy Andrist 2:04:29
I know. So yeah, like, you know, my mother was sober as far as I knew. And then Doug said she had cocaine so like, a mother. Let’s do some coke and went into the bathroom while Doug was trying to tame down the the uprising and did some big bump. She, she was like, you know, either rookie added or hadn’t held a bag in a long time. It was like really? Another one. All right, sure.
matt nappo 2:04:55
Oh my god. Imagine this stuff. Yeah flat Florida strip club alone I mean Florida strip club is all you got to say. I mean those two elements bring you to a very good picture but
Andy Andrist 2:05:11
yeah and 11am to you know before they even pretend to have left
matt nappo 2:05:18
well only thing that can make it a little bit more busy tell me it was a Sunday morning
Andy Andrist 2:05:23
I know Sunday was yeah Sunday I remember the regret regret and be enormous. Fucking yeah guilt that Sunday morning was and that was probably Thursday morning.
matt nappo 2:05:39
Well, you know, that’s what they that’s why they go to church on Sundays. You know, they build up all the sin and all week long and then they got to go and tell somebody that sorry.
Andy Andrist 2:05:49
Yeah. I just remember dropping off a friend made that night that wrestled with on the floor of the club, like old school style, you know, on fours and all that and and then I dropped this person off at a trailer she wanted to be dropped like up the road. Oh, did I say she was probably could have been a she I don’t know gender. I don’t like to label people. But the person often I didn’t like skywriting, but it was in a circular and it’s and then it said God loves you and it had a happy face. It was like that was like kind of like above that trailer. Wow Yeah. Wow. So
matt nappo 2:06:33
that’s what made it made you the believer in faithful
Andy Andrist 2:06:37
religion. That’s how I knew it was Sunday Sunday in Florida full of cocaine and this is the perfect time to drop some fucking cryptic bullshit above a trailer
matt nappo 2:06:51
well, they knew they wouldn’t know which shell it to go to to which is really telling in itself like super cheap. Hey Shay. And again I don’t want to label people but I’m guessing he or she whichever it was or in between must have a this situation going on every Sunday that the guy with the plane the god guy with the plane knew exactly what
Andy Andrist 2:07:11
to do with Dr. Martinez team has trailer the messages that she was at a show and had this dude who was like a friend and the message is this guy blew up her phone what that I heard were fucking fabulous. They went you know I’m a nice guys is worried about you and to you. You call me back ground you fucking cut you off. It’s always the way it is with us self identifying nice guys. Nice guy. They’re just waiting to cut the head off of the check. You know until she she admits that she likes him a little cutter fuck. That’s really the nice guy.
matt nappo 2:07:56
The era of social media has made that happen faster because people used to say, well, you don’t call me back within a couple of hours. I get pissed off. Now. If you don’t answer that text message within two minutes. They think you’re totally avoiding them. I love you. Where are you mad at me? You?
Andy Andrist 2:08:13
Yeah, yeah. Good Times in Florida. I did write a follow up on Doug’s book and just say now this is part Doug didn’t remember. That way weirder.
matt nappo 2:08:26
Funny, he doesn’t remember the podcast, because you were on with the drinking bros. Oh, by the way, fucking Fiat Spider. shit about that car. I love that car. I had a fucking perfect car, by the way, right? Like that. That’s not the car that you would pick. What are you gonna pick a Testarossa? And the guy’s gonna be able to avoid that. No, that
Andy Andrist 2:08:47
was there in Texas. So they probably I ball and Range Rovers or something. And they came out with a new version of that, like a few years ago. Yeah, so I was like originally thinking I’d asked my petty file who he does to set it up. I was promised by the guy who was molested me, you know, to try to keep the fucking spark going that he was going to buy me a car when I graduated. When I saw him 30 years later in Florida, I brought along my diploma. And was you know, in my mind, I kinda envisioned this car shopping. But I don’t want I no longer want that. 1984 ragtop I want the 2000 was it 2016 That they came? They want that’s what I want. But those plans kind of went up in flames and lawsuits and such. I don’t think we’ll be car shopping anymore.
matt nappo 2:09:40
That’s a damn shame because what is the deal? Right? And you got an associate’s degree on top of it, so I only think it’s gonna get serious.
Andy Andrist 2:09:49
Yeah, yeah. When the car salesman comes back in for me, Mr. Spleen sitting in there. That would be the undercoating talk. I would like the sports package upgrade and alter Yeah. I would I actually have my name on the I guess the glove box like he had his name on the glove box. That’s what I you know, I’d want to add to and then in a fucking coupons for sizzler Nice. Yeah,
matt nappo 2:10:25
I get it you branded? Yeah. You kept you kept up your end of the bargain.
Andy Andrist 2:10:30
Yeah, that’s the thing. I mean, and I’m still that way like this one a few years ago this guy bet me the outcome of Michigan State vers Oregon and I said, and he wanted to do money, and I’d like how about this football, my dog will fetch your football Michigan State verzorgen. And then the guy just didn’t pay, like my team one covered or whatever, and he wouldn’t pay. And I was like, Kevin every time you like, I’d see a Facebook post on it. And I’d write welcher. And I really didn’t give a shit about the thing. But it’s kind of like some sort of attention deficit or whatever it is. I remained focus until that guy gave me the football. And then I was like, moved on. And that’s kind of I got burned on, you know, underwear modeling gig and it 19 7980. And, you know, promises were made, and I fulfilled my end of the bargain. By graduating and then this fucking cunt won’t give me my you know, it’s like, it’s not extortion. It’s like, let’s just buy me the fucking car. And then we can have the conversation about all the other shit. When you were two
matt nappo 2:11:35
years of interest. 35 years of interest on top of that, yeah,
Andy Andrist 2:11:39
yeah. And all that. And then like, you know, hey, you know, probably cost you a lot to get, you know, therapy or whatever. No, I didn’t do therapy. But let’s lump in a cup, let’s say 100 grand from the time I was 14 to the time, you know, I got over it or whatever. So yeah, he owes me more than a car. And I felt like it was more than fair, that we just settle on the car, because that’s the that’s the fucking Michigan State football to me. But he kind of, He scoffed at it. I felt like that was a moment where he’s kind of like, like, you know, okay, sorry, motherfucker. Kochi. Oh, high school, didn’t have great academics. But I graduated I was, you know, I was in the top 100.
matt nappo 2:12:26
That guy doesn’t appreciate the good deal that you because that is you don’t get that’s a very easy out and easy payment for the for the crime he committed. And then that is the cheapest best bargain. he’s ever going to get a car and a credit card. What $30,000 A time? Yeah, that’s a great deal. He’s,
Andy Andrist 2:12:46
he’s gonna take that. Yeah, he’s a you know, he likes to roll out like he had money and shit. He lives in a community. That’s like, you know, okay, you know, I mean, it’s he walked away. It’s like, you know, okay, man, the lawyers are gonna make that fucking car and then some. And as it turned out, he had to pay for several lawyers, and he had to pay my lawyers eventually. And he had to pay his lawyers any any kind of lost. And what he lost is, is, you know, that he, he lost control of that fucking narrative. And I filmed him. And I told him, I filmed him. And I can do what I want with that, you know, and what I did was I put it on a real slow burn, Paul, for Vince is making a movie, but it’s, it’s been 10 years or so. And it’s like, you know, that guy’s probably still alive, wondering if Paul’s ever going to finish the project and so my, or whatever, but I you know, that that’s got to be a bummer to have that hanging over him, or, you know,
matt nappo 2:13:45
definitely was to have the fear of where, where you might release it and all that kind of stuff is gonna be worse than when it really actually happens to him. So in a way, that’s the worst torture you can have. Have that hanging over his shoulder and
Andy Andrist 2:14:01
you’re like to kind of there I talked to Todd Snyder’s management about using the song too soon to tell for like, you know, just and then the band twiddle is agreed to let me use a song or whatever, I’d like to still this guy, the my molester. He would play ELO when, you know, he had a great stereo and crank up ELO and I kind of just was overwhelmed by the music and didn’t you know, I didn’t like it. But I would i There’s a song on it. Called caught in a trap. It’s a V side. Whatever. So it’s like an ELO song that nobody’s probably ever used. And I would love to have that just so I could have that in there to stick it to them to like, hey, you know, your favorite band back then. lent me a song. You dick. Well, I’m
matt nappo 2:14:50
gonna get I’m gonna get that for you as a Christmas present to be able to hear but I’m gonna reach out today, but um, what can we do to help prevent to get this done? cuz I have access to like video editors production tweets, what does he need?
Andy Andrist 2:15:04
I feel like Paul’s, you know, he’s got he’s got a lot of it done, he does all of it in himself. And it’s like his backroom is is, is, you know, full of stuff that I sent him. And I feel like he’s just kind of, I feel like the timing is perfect. You know, this thing happened 10 years ago or whatever, where I confronted the pedophile. That’s when I flipped the script on my whole, my whole brain at that point, because I eat that guy used to fucking live rent free in my brain. And then I felt like I even the odds,
matt nappo 2:15:41
even rent free in his brain thinking, when’s that shoe gonna drop?
Andy Andrist 2:15:45
Right? And yeah, and he used to have shoes with the brace built into them. So if his shoe drops, it’ll also have the thing of extra fucking here. But you know, and kind of like, right at the beginning, I did it for revenge, I stopped the camera on him because he stuck a camera on me. And I wanted to just straight up get revenge on him. And then Paul started talking more seriously about, you know, using it and making a film out of it. And then that kind of, you know, and then I’m involved with that. And, and that’s a weird way to get over, you know, did this fucking drastic therapy. And now I’m turning it into a project. And then now getting, you know, fucking cease and desist letters and the, you know, threat of lawsuit. And that could have ruined me, you know, I couldn’t lose to that guy a second time. And then I had to go sit in a courtroom with him on a like, it was like to I left home on Christmas, flew to there. And so like New Year’s Day, I’m sitting in a courtroom with my pedophile, and it’s like, five or six people in the courtroom. And it’s like that motherfucker. So I had to really get belly deep in the whole fucking thing. And years past, and I kind of forgot about the project. And then I didn’t want the project to happen. I begged Paul out, you know, it’s like, let’s fucking throat you know, and we got he called me. Fuck you. God dammit, you’re a fucking artist started acting like one. Oh, loosely reheated. You know, that was basically saying, you know, I know, You’ve spent about seven years on this, but let’s fucking throw it in the dumpster man.
matt nappo 2:17:27
No, I Well, I can appreciate your, your take on that. And I can also appreciate his take on that it’s a different Yeah.
Andy Andrist 2:17:35
And we become really good friends throughout all that. And, and I want to, I want it to happen for both of us, you know, because and I, you know, and I don’t even like a deed for like, oh, go, you know, maybe get more gigs or whatever. You know, I don’t give a shit about any of that. It’s like the news to me anymore. You know, but I want it to succeed. I want you know, I want to see what Paul did you know what? And I think Paul’s you know, he’s called it his opus. Right? So he’s putting his fucking heart into it. And I think what we need at this point is, you know, well, I said, I put him on a deadline. I called call up and I called him, you know, yeah, I got cancer and all this. And he’s like, God, damn, you know, what are we you know, and I go, I’m not calling to tell you this. As a friend, I’m calling to tell you this as a filmmaker, you’ve got your ending, man. Get a camera crew up here. We’ll be in and then when they don’t come out, and you know, that’s wrong. To Todd Snyder.
matt nappo 2:18:35
But I’m serious, though. I, you know, I know. You probably get people just and it’s a pain in the ass sometimes. But I would do anything if Bob needs me to fucking be a laborer to come out there. Well done.
Andy Andrist 2:18:49
And I think, you know, from a practical standpoint, I think we’re, he’s getting pretty close. And then it’ll be like, like, what I ran into with the comedy special, you need to have, you know, you need to have somebody do this, this, this and this. And I, like we’ve had people we’ve had a, well, we had one person come in as a producer, and he just ripped off. He just, he just, he got money, use my story got money, and then he used it as his own ATM. So then it was like, that was the guy who’s pushing, you know, let’s do this and this. And, you know, and then I think both Well, Paul’s a lot happier not having somebody fucking bother him. And when the time comes, I think we are going to hit we’re gonna do a fundraising effort to raise the cost of to finish it out. Perfect. You know, the way Paul wants to? I feel like it’s almost all there. So yeah, I think you know, when when we get clear of things or whatever, I think we’ll probably do a push to get either some producers or a pot of money to finish it and you know, not like 100,000 More like, you know, 30,000 or something like You know, I don’t know. But I feel like that, you know, Paul’s not far from it. And I feel like you know, the timing of everything is kind of, you know, it’s like he can’t change the timing sometimes. That sounds weird, but but, you know, it’s like, five years ago, I would have been eager for this thing to be done now. I don’t you know, I’m not motivated by any anything like, you know, want to tour bonds or, like, you know, I did tell Inman the other day that if I don’t die a cancer, me and him will will come out your way. I said, let’s get my dog on this. And we’ll we’ll go out to Long Island. And we’ll do a gig out there and he goes, alright, you promise?
matt nappo 2:20:44
I’m definitely on that. Man. I got a theater all set up for it. And I’m thinking of an actual, like, a three or four man show, but that was definitely in my mind for after your after. This is all in your rearview mirror. So
Andy Andrist 2:20:57
there you go. It’ll work out and then I can put that Falco’s show behind me, but
matt nappo 2:21:04
Falco’s because we had we had a titty bar. That was actually called Falco’s and you say, I remember you saying that. You wouldn’t call it Teddy by that, but we had one.
Andy Andrist 2:21:13
Yeah. felters maybe.
matt nappo 2:21:19
It was like an old man buy that they turned into a titty bars, and Falco was the original owner, and they never changed the name of it.
Andy Andrist 2:21:29
There’s a billion teams out there and shouldn’t be one of them. All right,
matt nappo 2:21:32
we’re coming up on 230 and 1030. Here, I’m gonna end it there. But I want to honor it. Everybody wants to help. And you know, this, and I know, you’re kind of feeling like an awkward place here. And I don’t want to I don’t want to make you feel awkward about this. But people do want to help because we know, as a comedian, you don’t have the best health care coverage. You don’t have Trump coverage. Nobody.
Andy Andrist 2:21:57
I mean, maybe Congress does, but you know, I pay five or 600 a month for health insurance. And I get in there and so I’m in a position now where you know, my wife’s on disability and I’m going to probably have about nine or 10 grand in bills on top of what insurance pays with if I didn’t pay for insurance, I’d have money to pay for the other so if you know if that’s if people wanted to help and donate or however that does I know Brett Brock’s doing something can Harris is doing something and I’m going to bank all that money and use it to cushion to cushion against this fucking you know, the $100 co charge here. You know, the surgery and all that shit. It’s it’s a fucking heartbreaking thing not just for me, but for people that you know fucking try to you know, I’ve got insurance but it doesn’t cover when you’re sick, you know, covers part of it. But why the fuck doesn’t cover everything. I wouldn’t need help and people could help other people. But yeah, it’s, I appreciate all of it. It’s kind of overwhelming. Because I’m, you know, I’m not somebody who’s like, Oh, I got this helped me out, man. But I feel like, my back is against the fucking wall on this.
matt nappo 2:23:08
No, I and I applaud everybody to kind of think about this health care. Insurance is something you pay for if you don’t need it, but once you need it, you’re fucked. Because, you know, no, insurance is going to cover all this stuff. And the last thing we should be thinking about right now, right now you’re gonna fucking pay for all this shit and be worried and have tension and anxiety about that.
Andy Andrist 2:23:29
You’re getting shoved into the MRI tube is like, how many fucking pictures are you taking a couple would be good. I don’t want to pay for it. I don’t want to get in a situation where I’m paying for 10 photos. And we’re only looking at two of them. But yeah, that’s the thing. And and, and I don’t feel like I have that stress. It’s weird because I you know, I, I don’t want to get emotional either. But people have stepped up and it’s like, okay, I don’t have that worry right now. Other worries,
matt nappo 2:23:57
I’m adding to it. And just to let people know, I’m working on a new five OC three real nonprofit so that we can donate 100% to you of the money that comes in, and people could still use it for a tax write off. So that should be in place by the second week of January that will be there’ll be a button for it on mine.tv.com You want to give it to Andy directly for these medical costs stuff. And you’ll get 100% of it. No, nothing taken off the top no bullshit administrative costs. And you can use it as a tax write off so and I’ll help you to Kitty to get it’s tough.
Andy Andrist 2:24:34
Yeah, yeah. I mean, you know, I haven’t. Yeah, I know. It’s it’s been kind of a you know, like the thing my daughter’s car got ripped off and people you know, I wrote something people helped put that, you know, it’s like a real fucking bummer, you know? And then it’s like, you know, my daughter’s done so many cool things for people. It’s like, well, this is coming back, you know, so it’s like, yeah, so I’m
matt nappo 2:24:58
hope we don’t make a religious guy out of you. After all this stuff, you don’t you don’t end up being a believer because
Andy Andrist 2:25:05
hey, if I if I die and there’s some sort of god entity, I’ll be like, What the fuck are you? Oh, shit, man.
matt nappo 2:25:13
Yeah, no, I can imagine how that would be a shock. I had a guy on last week who was gonna prove the existence of God, but he left angry. He’s a little angry at me now talking about cease and desist letters.
Andy Andrist 2:25:32
So he did prove the existence of God tree lawyering.
matt nappo 2:25:36
Exactly. No, but the atheist stepped up to help a guy in need that day. So I thought that was a AHA justice on that kind of show. The the atheist sit stepping up to help a guy get his medicine and gas money and all that food.
Andy Andrist 2:25:51
Oh, man. Yeah, yeah. I’ve seen Doug Stanhope do more acts random acts of kindness than anybody from my church upbringing. And ever done, you know?
matt nappo 2:26:02
Yeah, absolutely. Well, I appreciate getting to talk to you today. You know, there’s an outpouring of love for you. But there was before you just didn’t notice it now that now people are being vocal. But
Andy Andrist 2:26:13
yeah. There’s nothing more uncomfortable than accepting that you’re loved by others. I know.
matt nappo 2:26:18
And especially so many people, I mean, seriously, I know that to blow smoke up your ass, you’re a gift to a lot of people big issues with Andy dropped about 40 minutes ago, and people say but breaking those. Yeah, issues with me that they look forward to Friday, like, and your show, like, it’s a life line to them. So
Andy Andrist 2:26:39
well. And that’s, that’s why I’m glad, you know, in the, in the short term or long term that we’re back on YouTube, because I you know, I mean, I know, I don’t like going behind paywalls. And, you know, and if, if, you know, the people who were with us before, you know, can enjoy that, I appreciate that. They’re, they’re able to do that. And hopefully we can come up with a way to keep Patreon. You know, interesting or, or whatever. But, uh, yeah, so I, you know, it’s like, I’m used to being a comic and going around, and having, you know, people like what I do, and also the complainer’s and all that shit, and through this, you know, doing the podcast that, you know, kind of grown a bit of a family and I may not No, a lot of them, but they know who I am. And I appreciate that, that what I blather out or say or do is entertaining to folks so
matt nappo 2:27:35
and everybody’s going through this with you so you have the support of anybody and again, not to end on a downer note here but if you need any support from anybody don’t feel embarrassed about asking for it man, you’re human. You I know you’re the strongest man on the planet for all you’ve been through and still continue to keep a sense of humor. I applaud you for that but I you know you don’t expect people to think that you your don’t have your tender moments man, we love you and yet you can you can get you can get as emotional as you want ever and nobody can hold it against you.
Andy Andrist 2:28:05
Yeah, now after I get done here and cry, I’ll blame you. Why am I crying? Because
matt nappo 2:28:11
I’m like the Barbara Walters of comedians I make every comedian cry.
Andy Andrist 2:28:15
Yeah, mine dog mind fuck maybe. Yeah. Well,
matt nappo 2:28:19
Chad has agreed to come on the show and I think he has been reluctant because he thinks I am the bad guy who can make him cry and and kind of expose his inner psyche Yeah, well, but I’m not
Andy Andrist 2:28:36
Yeah, I said Well, we did the our show and or Death Valley. We did a podcast there and I had I had Shaylee crying but it’s not one that we’re we decided not to air it. That would have been the best rated one now maybe maybe maybe with the proper I don’t know. I’m not sure what I know. There was a couple of stories I told you know, but Patreon we may put that up at some point it was a you know, but uh, I felt like I was a preacher like Shaylee was kind of on the edge she’d been on drugs for hours and I feel like cracking you know?
matt nappo 2:29:11
And he said
Andy Andrist 2:29:15
like Sam Kinison. You know, raising your boys lower in it. And then you know, so yeah, I got I know I can track my team if I need to. Oh, I
matt nappo 2:29:24
love that. I love you got you got to do some of that just for the ratings. Just just those numbers as well. You have a great day, man. Great. All right, sir. I appreciate it. And you’re celebrating have have have a joyous one. Well, I’m going to get pizza
Andy Andrist 2:29:39
to hobos. So that’s how I’m doing Christmas Eve and beer. Of course,
matt nappo 2:29:43
not gluten right now.
Andy Andrist 2:29:45
Now in fact, even I’ve even talked about a second class system where we get a better pizza for ourselves.
matt nappo 2:29:56
Be well, man and have a good one. Thanks. Love you Dog Have a good day Bobby to buy the fabulous Andy understand folks great to have him hear from him and know that his his sense of humor hasn’t been diminished in the least anyway. I got to get to work I got not work I don’t have a show today I have to actually get to work and go do some traveling to pick up some some stuff for the holiday celebration here. Hope you have a great holiday. Thank you for joining me thank you for sticking with me for on the overtime. And for all you do everybody have a great Christmas holiday or wherever you’re celebrating for people who celebrate Kwanzaa on Sunday, Canadian Boxing Day whatever the hell that means that the day after Christmas or day after Thanksgiving, I don’t know. But the kidneys have a special day on the 26th they do up there whatever the hell you do up there, do it well have fun, all that kind of stuff. And so until Monday I’ll be back with your hour everyday next week. So join me then Monday 9am for coffee with the dog till then I’m Matt nappo for coffee with dog bye for now man. I hit the wrong fucking button you see that? You see what he made me do? Round Round Listen to me, listen to me. Listen to me. Listen to me.